I want to start this article by saying that I love Jurassic Park. The others not so much, especially Jurassic World. And before I even start talking about my qualms on this movie I want to make it clear being a fanboy or girl doesn’t help you what so ever. I see all over the internet people saying that if you don’t like Jurassic World then “you are not a true fan” or “well you’re not a 90s Spielberg kid”. Number one you can’t be a true fan you pretentious snob. Number two I was born in 1994 and was introduced to Spielberg’s movies from a very young age. You can’t use nostalgia as an argument or the year you were born in. So when I went into this movie I had a blank slate, I let all of the advertising disappear from my mind or the thought of the magnificent Jurassic Park that I love so dearly. I just sat in my seat and watched this movie for two hours, too bad it wasn’t worth my time. Let me go point by point on why I didn’t like this movie:
- Vincent D’Onofrio…oh boy. The second he opened his mouth or when I saw him smugly strutting his overweight body towards Chris Pratt made me want to cringe. I couldn’t believe how incredibly corny his character was. I especially got bored to tears when ever the script allowed him to make several minute long monologues.
- The I-Rex was cool and creepy at first but slowly lacked the impact of the original T-Rex. Almost immediately we are shown full shots of the I-Rex and in some creepily done sequences, but the death of the overweight random worker took me out of the scene and made me ultimately forget this was a scary scene. Also the fact that this dinosaur can camouflage was a cool concept, but only used a sparingly. And lets not forget that it can turn off its heat signature…its just dumb.
- Chris Pratt catching a fly with his bare hand. That doesn’t even need an explanation.
- The youngest child (Ty Simpkins) crying about his parents apparently getting a divorce was completely useless. When you see his parents in the very beginning you see a happy mother and father saying goodbye and having surprisingly funny and intentional humor with the children. Then you get a scene with the mother being worried about the family sticking together on the trip. That doesn’t necessarily allude to divorce to me. So I can easily say without a doubt this scene was a complete waist of my time.
- Irrfran Khan as a carefree rich business man who made Jurassic World happen was a pleasure to see. But it doesn’t make sense to kill him off so prematurely. Since the I-Rex made a huge hole in the glass wall, there was no need to make Khans helicopter crash into the dome and make a second hole. The escape route for the flying dinosaurs had already been paved.
- Taming Raptors, The raptor who nudged its head twice to signal Pratt to leave, all of the raptors having Schizophrenia and the heroic slow motion run of the last raptor running towards the I-Rex. Basically every raptor scene I didn’t like. I didn’t feel any fear or anxiety with these fake cgi lizards.
- No fully realized arcs for any character. Think about it, every single character never evolved into something else that had a real amount of screen time.
- The assistants death was extremely undeserved at how mean I was. It was her job to follow the kids around the park, and in her last moments she was trying to get the kids towards a safe area. But no, they used a death for her that’s usually saved for an extremely evil villain. So again, another death that was unwarranted.
- Weaponizing dinosaurs for current age combat. Really? That’s the mysterious evil plan?
- And lastly lets not forget about the I-Rex and its death scene. When you see the I-Rex beaten up and bloody you know that its about to die. Then you see Big Bertha come out of the water tank and eat the I-Rex. I have no problem with the death itself, but it leaves something to question about it though. If Big Bertha could jump out of the tank…THEN WHY DIDN’T IT JUMP OUT BEFORE WHEN THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WERE STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING!?!?!?! Just a thought…
Believe me there are phenomenal scenes in the movie that pulled my heart strings. But in-between all of these amazing moments were horrendous dialogue, cheesy scenes, useless scenes and not one character I could care about. Unfortunately I have to rate this movie a 4 out of 10.
- The I-Rex was cool and creepy at first but slowly lacked the impact of the original T-Rex. Almost immediately we are shown full shots of the I-Rex and in some creepily done sequences, but the death of the overweight random worker took me out of the scene and made me ultimately forget this was a scary scene. Also the fact that this dinosaur can camouflage was a cool concept, but only used a sparingly. And lets not forget that it can turn off its heat signature…its just dumb.
- Chris Pratt catching a fly with his bare hand. That doesn’t even need an explanation.
- The youngest child (Ty Simpkins) crying about his parents apparently getting a divorce was completely useless. When you see his parents in the very beginning you see a happy mother and father saying goodbye and having surprisingly funny and intentional humor with the children. Then you get a scene with the mother being worried about the family sticking together on the trip. That doesn’t necessarily allude to divorce to me. So I can easily say without a doubt this scene was a complete waist of my time.
- Irrfran Khan as a carefree rich business man who made Jurassic World happen was a pleasure to see. But it doesn’t make sense to kill him off so prematurely. Since the I-Rex made a huge hole in the glass wall, there was no need to make Khans helicopter crash into the dome and make a second hole. The escape route for the flying dinosaurs had already been paved.
- Taming Raptors, The raptor who nudged its head twice to signal Pratt to leave, all of the raptors having Schizophrenia and the heroic slow motion run of the last raptor running towards the I-Rex. Basically every raptor scene I didn’t like. I didn’t feel any fear or anxiety with these fake cgi lizards.
- No fully realized arcs for any character. Think about it, every single character never evolved into something else that had a real amount of screen time.
- The assistants death was extremely undeserved at how mean I was. It was her job to follow the kids around the park, and in her last moments she was trying to get the kids towards a safe area. But no, they used a death for her that’s usually saved for an extremely evil villain. So again, another death that was unwarranted.
- Weaponizing dinosaurs for current age combat. Really? That’s the mysterious evil plan?
- And lastly lets not forget about the I-Rex and its death scene. When you see the I-Rex beaten up and bloody you know that its about to die. Then you see Big Bertha come out of the water tank and eat the I-Rex. I have no problem with the death itself, but it leaves something to question about it though. If Big Bertha could jump out of the tank…THEN WHY DIDN’T IT JUMP OUT BEFORE WHEN THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WERE STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING!?!?!?! Just a thought…
Believe me there are phenomenal scenes in the movie that pulled my heart strings. But in-between all of these amazing moments were horrendous dialogue, cheesy scenes, useless scenes and not one character I could care about. Unfortunately I have to rate this movie a 4 out of 10.
Written by Ben Doss